And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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