the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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