i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
