Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
