ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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