I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
