i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
