Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
