Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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