I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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