i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
