Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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