haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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