if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
