So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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