he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
