drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
