He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
