you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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