I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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