YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
