Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
