it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
