you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
