At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
