they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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