just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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