there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
