i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
