I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
