I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Damn victory sex feels great
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
