so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
