I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I want is dick and wine.
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