You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
