i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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