Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
