Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
