I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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