Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
