Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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