he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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