Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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