I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
