I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
