Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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