somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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