i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
