hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
