The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
