Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
