So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
