Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
