Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
