dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
